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Post by Einar on Mar 30, 2017 13:35:13 GMT
Mackenzie, Elizabeth 'Mac'Lieutenant Commander
-Recurring NPC-
Current assignment: Engineer, SCE - Assigned to Starbase 11 refitting poject Previous position: aCEO, USS Chiron Female Human Caucasian 34 years old height 171cm 63 kilos body weight Auburn hair, usually tied up in a bun on duty. Green eyes Physically fit
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Post by Einar on Mar 30, 2018 9:30:02 GMT
Stardate 11803.15 - "Trauma - Part 1"
With C.J as V'ruuk
V'ruuk sat in silent contemplation, slowly turning an old, worn IDIC badge in his hands. It had been the one he'd worn upon graduating from the Vulcan Science Academy, at the time his greatest achievement. The badge itself had taken a strange and fantastic journey to find its way back to him after he'd left it on Vulcan all those years ago, and now it sat in his hands once more.
He thought about the teachings of Surak, his relationship with which was complicated and messy. He felt a variety of emotions course through him - regret, sorrow, indignation and rage - and he neither embraced or discouraged them. He mindfully observed each one, witnessing their beginning and end, appreciating the various threads of his being that combined to form the small knots in his mind.
Once the feelings had passed, he consciously cloaked himself in the most important element of one’s emotional being: acceptance. He accepted the events that had led him to this moment of his existence. He accepted the decisions made by himself and others, and he accepted the dialectic reality that his anger was justified, but useless.
"Alert: Lieutenant Commander Elizabeth Mackenzie, intake appointment, scheduled to being in five minutes."
V'ruuk took a deep, centering breath, and set the badge aside. He picked up the nearby PADD and once more read the summary of the Acting Chief Engineer's personnel file.
After a few moments, 16.5 seconds to be exact, his ears picked up a nervous knock, if a knock could be considered nervous. "Enter, please"
The doors slid open and Mac stepped in, stopping at the edge of the door and looked around awkwardly.
Two days had passed since the incident and old Ham had a point...she needed to talk.
"Hi. I´m Mac...I think I´m early"
V'ruuk wore a small, pleasant smile.
"Hello, Mac. Please, have a seat." He indicated the sofa in front of him. "How are you feeling today?"
Mac eyed him cautiously as she moved around the sofa to sit down. "You´re smiling" she said matter-of-factly. "Isn´t that like, banned on Vulcan"
"It is deeply frowned upon," he explained. "Which as convenient, as frowning is the one facial expression widely accept on Vulcan."
Mac chuckled at that as she sat down on the sofa. "You´re funny. I wasn´t expecting that....when they told me you were a Vulcan shrink...I wasn´t sure that would work, seeing as your people usually don´t really do emotions"
"Most Vulcan's choose to follow the teachings of Surak, who explained that purging ourselves of outward emotional expression was the surest path to inner peace," V'ruuk explained. It was a well-practiced line, likely one he gave routinely to new patients.
"That might be true, but it is not the only path."
"Interesting" she said as she leaned back in the sofa and crossed her arms. "so you're like a rebel. No wonder Captain Sumner likes you..." she caught herself spouting rumor and cleared her throat.
V'ruuk gave a knowing smile.
"More of an outcast, really, though I find the difference is minimal. People tend not to rebel if they're made to feel welcome."
Mac just nodded, out of witty things to say and let the room fall into silence.
"What happens now?"
"You decide whether you're ready to answer my initial question," said V'ruuk, still smiling. He folded his hands in his lap.
"There's no rush. Take as much time as you need."
Mac just nodded, then looked away at the acryl painting of a Nebula class starship on the wall, before turning her attention to the box of marbles on the table. Weird.
"Okay...." she cleared her throat, put her arms to her sides, in her lap and then crossed them again. "I´m feeling....a lot"
"What's the first thing that jumps out at you?"
"Is that a trick question? I don´t know....I´m tired...and I haven´t seen my friends in a while and I.....my fucking best friend left me...then my Captain abandons me and I just....I just saw someone die. So I´m pissed. Yeah. I´m fucking pissed"
"Your best friend being Tony Adalberto?" he asks.
She leaned forward at that, her shoulders visibly tense "What do you know about that? You didn´t even serve with him"
"I've been on board for nearly a year, and have seen many of the former crew of the Bremen," he explained. "I've picked up a fair bit. I know that Tony was well-liked by his department. I know he left without giving word after suffering a significant tragedy. I also know that doesn't exactly make it feel any less painful for those he left behind."
Mac huffed and leaned back into the sofa "He left, yeah....and a lot of good people died"
"You're speaking of the ambush on the Bremen?"
Mac glanced at the door, then down at her lap "Yes.....I know it´s not fair to blame him but......he always had a trick up his sleeve. It was like...if he was there, there was no real risk.....but Reed died, and...it should have been him"
V'ruuk nodded lightly. There was no judgment in his expression, nor was there an excess of sympathy as he listened.
Mac kept her arms crossed in front of her, just eyeing the Vulcan back "What?"
"Do you feel comfortable telling me about Reed?" he asked.
"I..it's been a while" she stopped herself. Trying to picture Reed in her mind's eye. Her auburn hair and wicked smile. Always making a joke or pulling some stunt to make everyone laugh. "She was the heart of the group"
"How so?" This was more an invitation to elaborate than interrogative.
"She uh-" Mac smiled briefly. "She always made sure that no matter how dire the situation, we all put our heads down and worked with a smile on"
V'ruuk gave a surprisingly warm smile at that.
"There's a unique selflessness in a person like that, isn't there?" he mused. "One that can set aside their own fear to raise their comrades' spirits."
"She was fearless alright. She sacrificed herself that day because..." she reached up and scratched an imaginary itch on the back of her head. "I wasn´t a strong enough Chief"
V'ruuk nodded gently.
"Do you think that if Tony had been there, Reed might still be alive? That he would have prevented deaths where you couldn't?" he asked.
Mac took a deep breath through her nose, her thoughts a swirling mess as she tried to figure out her answer. It somehow felt as if she needed to provide the correct answer instead of what she wanted to say....but that's not what this is for, is it? "He always did"
"Always?" he asked. "Nobody died under Mr. Adalberto's command?"
"That's not what .....that's not what I meant" she said meekly. "People have died......but I just think he would have done something different. But he forced me to make this decision, and I made a wrong one""
"What is it you think you did wrong?" he asked, not missing a beat.
"I sent her to her death! Okay?" she let her temper loose, then relaxed back into the sofa and took a deep breath. "What has this got to do with anything anyway?
V'ruuk gave a small smile, still odd to see on a Vulcan's face. "Often times, when we have these moments of break down, it's not just one issue that causes it," he explained. "To be sure, what you witnessed was traumatic enough on its own, but the first thing that came to your mind was your missing friends. I'm guessing you didn't see any grief counselors after the loss of the Bremen."
"We had group sessions...." she said, fiddling with a broken piece of cuticle on her left index finger "I didn´t feel like sticking around after the mandatory session...there was a lot to do"
V'ruuk didn't respond immediately. He glanced to his PADD and seemed to debate internally before carefully setting it aside.
"Have you taken the Command-level bridge officer training?" he asked.
"What does it say on my collar?" she snapped back, then immediately looked sheepish "I´m sorry". She cleared her throat and looked at the acryl painting before looking back at him "I did...that was different. Tests are just that, not real. Even the feared Kobiashi Maru is a joke these days.....everyone can create a holoprogram"
"That's somewhat true," he says. "But I think that means the opposite of what you might want it to mean. Some people know that the correct choice in that simulation is to send a crewmember to their deaths in order to save the rest of the crew, so they make that choice during the simulation, but find they are unable to do the same in the real world. If you hadn't sent Reed, what would have happened to the Bremen?"
"Exactly what happened - no matter what. She died for nothing"
V'ruuk nods slowly, a sympathetic (maybe - it's hard to tell with Vulcans) frown on his face. He doesn't speak for a long moment.
"To borrow a human phrase, that's shitty," he offers. "I don't know whether that's true - I don't have a detailed report on what happened in Engineering at the time. What I will say is probably something you don't want to hear, but you're not the first commander to make that mistake."
"Perhaps not. But I won't make it again"
V'ruuk nodded.
"I suspect that would be true whether or not you left Starfleet," he offered. "But we can come back to that later. Are you ready to talk about the recent incident?"
She took a moment to gather her thoughts before shaking her head "I must get back on duty...we have a lot of repairs still to make to the ship and I´m low on experienced officers"
V'ruuk gave a knowing smile and a nod.
"Of course," he said. "You know where to find me if and when you'd like to discuss matters further."
"Yeah.." Mac stood up and pulled at her jacket "Maybe..." she walked to the door and stopped in its frame as it parted, then looked over her shoulder before moving on "Thank you"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2018 14:56:43 GMT
V'ruuk is a brilliantly written character, CJ. Well done both of you, that was great.
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Post by aoibheni on Mar 30, 2018 21:45:45 GMT
Next session please!! 💕
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Post by Einar on Apr 12, 2018 11:46:05 GMT
Stardate 11803.29 - "Trauma - Part 2"
With C.J as V'ruuk
Mac sat in the comfortable waiting area outside V´ruuk´s office, wringing her hands. She wasn´t planning on coming back, telling herself that this was useless and nothing would change...but she hadn´t been able to put it out of her mind.
She could almost still feel the warm blood on her hands and seeing Tallush arrive on the Bridge yesterday had almost sent her reeling. Perhaps the smiling Vulcan was right. Perhaps there was a lot that had heeled her over...
After the mysterious stranger had somehow transported them back to the Alpha quadrant, she had retreated to her quarters to cry. They had actually made it home in one piece, and there was only one casualty. But that casualty was weighing her down.....and she had no idea if she would survive it.
She had no idea if she would stay.
"Mac?"
she looked up at V´ruuk´s gentle face in the door, she hadn´t even heard the whoosh as it opened. "Come in"
Mac collected herself and stood up and followed him into his office, the ugly painting was still there along with a weird ass collection of marbles. "Thanks for seeing me again, Doc" she said as she sat down on the sofa.
"Of course," said V'ruuk, as he sat. "To be honest, it's nice to have someone make an appoint with me, instead of the other way around. It's usually like pulling teeth trying to get Starfleet personnel to follow up."
He took a deep breath and settled in, closing his eyes for a moment as he centered.
"So what's on your mind, Mac?"
"I don´t think I want to do this anymore"
V'ruuk raised a brow as he worked through exactly what she meant. She likely wasn't referring to counseling - she had been the one to make the appointment, after all.
"You're thinking of resigning your commission," he guessed.
Mac just nodded, seemingly ashamed.
V'ruuk furrowed his brow a bit and shifted in his chair. He considered making notes on his PADD, but left it on the table for now.
"Okay," he finally replied.
She looked up at him confused "You´re not going to talk me out of it?" she asked, her voice coarse.
"We´re home! To be honest I never believe it would happen and that that was it. I was forced to carry out my duty for the remainder of my life or die trying. And I don´t want to die trying now that we are back....I just want things to be easy!"
V'ruuk gave a small shrug.
"Loss prevention isn't my primary directive," he explains. "My responsibility is the mental health and well-being of my clients. If you feel that your well-being requires your resignation, then so be it. Where would you go? Where do you think you can find an easy life?"
"Back home on Earth. I could take up beekeeping or something" she buried her face in her hands and let out a long breath. "I don´t know....maybe I´m just scared
V'ruuk took a small sip of water before speaking, mulling his words.
"It is entirely possible that leaving Starfleet to tend an apiary will help you find some sense of peace, but to be honest I don't think it will. The pain you feel, whether it's the loss of Reed, or the murder you witnessed, or any of the other hardship you've faced in your career, doesn't reside in your uniform. It doesn't sit in your badge or your pips, and it isn't centered in Engineering. The pain is in your heart, Mac. Wherever you go, whatever you do, the pain will follow if left unprocessed."
Mac looked up "then what can I do? I just want to cry and sleep and I can´t because everyone expects me to carry the torch, to fix this or to sign those orders. Captain Sumner is nowhere to be found and Raq....she just wouldn´t understand"
V'ruuk gave a small, sympathetic smile.
"I think you'd find Captain Sumner available if you went to her," he offered. "I also think Commander sh'Hruvek would empathize strongly with your distress, and not just because she's an empath. As for what you can do? Since we are now back in Federation space, I'm sure a replacement Chief Engineer can be found. I think it could also be helpful for you to take a temporary leave of absence. Take the time to cry and sleep, to feel the things you feel instead of burying them under chaotic working conditions."
Mac merely nodded, perhaps he was right. She needed a rest. A break.
"Perhaps I should take this time off and try and relax....think it over"
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