Blind Date
With Nola as Adria
Exeel let out a long sigh, reaching out to give Adria’s hand a reassuring pat, before pulling it back; he keeps forgetting that she’s a hologram. “Clearly I'm gonna wanna find out what those plans entail... but…” He waves his hand around, literally scrubbing the conversation. “We'll forget about work, shall we?”
“So…” He shuffled uncomfortably, thinking he'd probably upset her, but still hoping to push through it. “Who are you?” He mustered a slight smile. “Like… really?”
He looked down at the empty table, and chuckled, before finally setting his eye on her again. He rested his elbow on the table and put his chin in his hand, really examining her features and looking into her simulated eyes. “Hi, I’m Talius.” He threw her a huge grin, and seemed genuinely quite happy; as he raised his other hand to shake her’s. He sighed again. “Goddamn it! For someone with hundreds of years of memories, you’d think I could remember just one thing, from the last five minutes.”
Adria chuckled soft before extending her holographic hand.
"Whole point of holograms is to seem lifelike," she offers. "Just means I seem real to you."
After a mostly in-sync handshaking, Adria sat back in her chair.
"Who am I," she echoed, staring intently at Talius. "Always a more complicated question than one might expect. I'm many different people, depending on my mood. I like to think of myself as a scholar and monster in equal measure. When I'm feeling more pretentious, I might call myself an artist. Where your people call me a terrorist, I prefer to think of myself as a principled anarchist."
The hologram's gaze unfocused for a brief moment before settling on Talius once more.
“I’m not a counsellor or a politician; you didn’t need to give me
The Statement that; You are You.” He continued to smile at her. “I wanna know who you really are, as a person.”
“I should probably be afraid. You could totally have me carted off to be horribly tortured.” He just calmly shrugged. “I dunno why I’m not.” He sat up a bit, his eyes still locked on her’s. “So, scholar and artist. What kinda art are you into? What books you readin’?” He chuckled. “I know you like punk music.”
Adria offered a small shrug.
"I like all kinds of music," she replied. "I tend to be more drawn to expressions of id, I think. Raw, unrefined expressions of base emotional need, which is more common in some genres. As for medium, well…"
The Orion bit her lip in thought, doing that thing where you slowly let it slip free.
"I think I would call myself a 'meta' artist. I try to get people to see themselves through actions rather than a passive medium. I stole a secret device from the Federation and threatened to destroy a world with it, only to use it in an uninhabited region of space. By doing so, I showed several complacent populations what it was like to feel like the world's about to end. I got to show them what it's like to live without the gifts the Federation gives them. That's my medium."
She offered a confident and slightly dark grin.
“Antonia…” Exeel nodded. “At least, that's what Douglas told me they called it, after it formed.” His features dropped a little, having also been told the story of why it was named that.
“Why do you keep going to bad places?” He asked curiously. “Tryna scare me off… I keep plodding up to people who are always pointing guns at my face, I am passed the point of being scared off. I don't think you’re a bad person cuz you hate the Federation, or that you have done some questionable shit.”
His smile returned to beam through her dark grin. “Ok, answer me this… Am I actually talking to you? The real you, somewhere in the quadrant? Or is this just a program, pretending to be you?” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Because we’re out here for dinner, and there is currently no dinner. It would make me feel less weird about ordering something, if you are also eating something where you are.”
“Cuz watching somebody eat is weird…. Right?” His voice went high, as he asked.
Adria canted her head as she considered the questions.
"What you're seeing is the result of programming, but it's an accurate representation of my psyche," she explained. "I've spent about half my life working on it. The drones your superiors are so worried about are part of the project, but mostly as an exercise in platform networking. The program you're seeing now has hundreds of contributing platforms, allowing for a complex personality matrix without having to cause any massive system intrusions."
She drew a deep breath.
"And I don't mind if you eat. I'm sure my progenitor is eating something somewhere."
He deflated somewhat at the answer, sitting back in his chair. "I figured you might be something like that. Kinda hoped you weren't."
He finally looked away. "I guess nothing I say to you matters." He shrugged. "Even if, hypothetically, we chatted the day away, formed a friendship and found a solution you never thought of… If I ever really did meet you, you wouldn't know who I was, would you?"
He sighed disappointedly, seeming to be genuinely saddened by the revelation. "It's… very good work."
Adria furrowed her brow in bemusement.
"Are you thinking she put an artificially sapient program on your ship and wouldn't then use it for surveillance?" she asked.
"She'll see this. She'll know. She won't exactly be surprised, either - she's very aware of the fact that she's Orion. She'll expect your fantasies, I assure you."
"I would assume that to be the first thing you'd… she'd do. But what exactly is the purpose of coming here to talk with me? You're not exactly getting much intel on me, other than; head be broken. And that really will be in my personnel file."
"And what fantasies?!" He guffawed. "Just because she's a beautiful woman, doesn't mean I dream about her." He finished his tea, flagged down a waiter and ordered something stronger.
As he waited for his drink, he looked back to the hologram. "Besides… just cuz she'll see this, doesn't make it the same as being here. Truuust me, still dealing with those hundreds of years…"
He looked the hologram deep in the eyes, leaning forward slightly, so she could see her reflection in them. "I just thought it would be nice to have rapport with her, maybe give her one person in the Federation she doesn't hate, who doesn't hate her." He sat back again, feeling silly.
Adria gently planted her chin in a propped-up hand, giving him a sympathetic look.
"She doesn't really hate the people of the Federation," she explained. "She hates the institution. She hates the hold that tradition has on so many. She hates how it can hold back progress, how it can make wounds fester. People get used to the way things are, and they view change as bad, even if that change would help people."
Her amber eyes searched Talius' face, as if trying to commit it to memory.
"Can I ask you something?" she inquired.
“Of course.” He nodded to her.
"Have you ever killed someone?" she asked. "Have you ever butchered a person and arranged them to be seen in public?"
This question was asked gently, with no bitter edge, despite the words.
He actually sat back and thought about it for a second, as if he didn’t actually know. “No, I can’t say I have. I, Talius, haven’t at least. Y’know, butchered anyone, that is. Cerenar did some and saw some things… during the Dominion war that haunt my nightmares now, so there’s that.”
He sighed, looking back to her again; despite everything being said, he found it difficult to look away from her.
Adria nodded slowly.
"I'm sure it does, and those things were arguably justified," she replied. "The Dominion were invaders. They forced your hand. Adria was cold, calculated. She hunted people, killed them slowly, and then disassembled them before arranging the parts aesthetically in a public space, on more than one occasion. Can you imagine what it takes to do that? What parts of herself she had to give up?"
“Yes.” He said plainly, and honestly; at least he hoped she could see he was being honest. “Everything, including her name.”
“But did they deserve it though?” He asked. “Were these
monstrous acts performed on bigger monsters?”
Adria considered the question for a quiet moment.
"These were people who confirmed to a horrid way of life," she began. "They tended to grow up in poor neighborhoods, surrounded by violence and neglect, only to be scooped up by an organization promising them a better way of life, which they would then deliver. These people were participation in a long-established system. Did they do horrible things? Yes. Was it entirely by choice? I don't know. I don't think anyone deserves what she did to them, but that was sort of the point."
She folded her arms on the table and leaned forward enough to look up at him, wanting to hold his gaze.
"Do you think she wants to be saved?" she asked quietly.
“I don't know.” He lowered himself to her, so she was level with him, replying back as quietly. “Maybe she does a little, maybe she doesn’t at all.” His eyes tried to wander again, failing, and locking on her’s. “Isn’t having the option, good though?”
“You say we don't care, but I am trying to care.” He sighed sadly. “She wants to save all these people from monsters, and I want to at least help save her soul; so maybe she can live to enjoy watching free children play and not have to worry about some Syndicate goons murdering their parents, and snatching them away.”
“Is that so wrong of me?” He tried to look through those doorways. They were so real looking, but he knew they weren’t.
Adria sighed gently. She reached out a hand towards his cheek. There was no immediate tactile sensation, but after a moment there was a hint of warmth from the photonic interaction.
"You need to understand that it's never been about her," she answered. "Your people need to understand that. She doesn't want you to care about her - she wants you to care about
them. She wants you to try and save
them. And if that isn't enough for you, then know that she will never let anyone tell her what she wants or needs again. If you do care about her, if you do sympathize with what she's been through, then let what she wants matter."
“Of course it’s about her. She is the leader, the figurehead for the cause. Why else design you to look and sound and act like her?” He frowned. “And I wasn’t trying to tell you what you want or need… You’ve made that pretty clear, the Syndicate’s destruction.”
“But of course it all matters!” He instinctively nuzzled up to the holographic hand slightly. “You matter, all those people you’re fighting for matter.” He let out a long gentle sigh. “Let us help you…” He went quiet for a moment. “Please…”
The projection canted her head, her brow furrowed as she considered the plea. She drew a deep breath and released it in a long, slow sigh.
"I'll let you help the cause," she offered, turning her hand to brush his cheek with her imaginary knuckles. "As for my progenitor… we'll see."
He mustered a smile, then started chuckling, before letting out a quiet laugh. “And we said we weren’t gonna talk about work.” He continued to smile at her. “But if I do ever meet her, it’ll be like this was just an old TV show she was watching, instead of a memory, won’t it?”
“And I doubt she’ll touch my cheek.” He only really realised that she was doing it, just now, and he turned his head slightly, to look at her hand; to wonder why for a moment. “Unless… I dunno, are you a punchy person?” He smirked, deflecting a little.
She flashes a grin.
"It's been known to happen," she quips. "And she'll remember this. You can be sure of it."
“Is
this where I’m marked for death?” He snorted a laugh, although the wyrm was not laughing, inside his belly. “Oooh, somebody did not like me joking about that.”
“But…” He paused, turning back to her. “Why? I’m sure she has lots more important conversations to remember, than the one with that crazy Trill she sorta met that time, at dinner.”
Adria shrugged.
"Call it a hunch," she answered with a wink. "Besides, she didn't plant me here to only have a passing interest in what happens. She'll watch this, as she'll watch everything else, learning all she can about the intrepid crew of Tempest."
"Actually, it's a Galaxy." He smirked at her. "Sorry…"
He cleared his throat. "But, you know what I mean… why is she gonna remember this any more than everything else that you've got going on?"
"I'm pretty sure you or… uhhm... realer you, didn't plan on coming to dinner with me. And, we're just talking."
Adria quirked a brow.
"Maybe nobody ever 'just talks,' and every conversation can tell you something different about a person," she offered. "Maybe the things she's doing elsewhere are tedious, and this will be far more stimulating for her."
She put on a knowing smile, leaning in close.
"And maybe you're just a bit special," she whispered, giving him a wink.
He blushed a little, but tried to shrug it off. "Yeeeaaaahhh, wish I could believe that."
"So what has she… have you learnt about me?" He chuckled nervously. "Other than at the rate I'm going, I'll probably be the last host of the Exeel symbiote."
He tried to laugh, but the uncomfortable gnawing in his abdomen made him wince. "Oooook… don't make me come in there!"
"Sorry…" He grinned; his symbiote clearly giving him flack, whilst he tried desperately to hide it. Creases on his face showing that it was causing him not an insignificant amount of discomfort and even pain.
Holo-Adria smiled reassuringly.
“There’s nothing to be gained from killing any of you,” she promised. “The whole point here is to get Starfleet to leave her alone - they’re not gonna do that if she starts killing crew.”
She slowly sat up straight, folding her hands neatly in her lap.
“I’ve learned that you’re not entirely secure in yourself,” she answers. “You’ve a need to prove valuable, probably due in part to being joined. You have several lifetimes’ worth of memories in your head, and probably only a small sense of who Talius Exeel is - it’s fairly common among the joined, as I understand it. You’re looking for something, some act you can perform that will give you the sense that you’re a worthy successor, and perhaps you can see this pantheon of moments from those collective memories, but I would challenge you to reflect on them and ask yourself how many of those moments were truly singular acts.
“I bet you’d find that those moments were effect rather than cause. They either arose at a moment where that particular Exeel made a decision about who they were going to be, or came some time after that Exeel had gained their confidence. There is no grand act that will give you that - it would only give you a temporary lift that you’ll either feel isn’t real after it fades, or keep chasing in the hopes of recapturing that sense of validity.”
Adria smiled again. It was a warm, compassionate smile.
“The trick is to recognize that you’re already worthy, Talius, though you may have to accept that everyone is already worthy along the way.”
“I dunno…” His voice trailed off, as he considered everything she’d just said. “It feels... nice... that you think I’m worthy.”
“But I don't know that I deserve it.” He shrugged. “I was never meant to be joined, I never went through the initiate program, I didn’t do the time, the studying, the self-actualisation. Part of why I’m so broken, I think. Although, it might have also been how Cerenar died. Wasn’t exactly peaceful. And the symbiote is old… and honestly… I don’t have access to all the memories.”
“I’m basically just a fancy life support system with a dissociative personality disorder.” He trailed off again, staring off in a thousand yard glare, slowly sitting back up in his seat. She was right, in that he wasn’t secure in himself, because since he was joined, he didn’t even know who he really was. He wasn’t sure if she was right about him making his mark, proving himself worthy of the responsibility; all he could think was that he just wanted to be Talius.
His vision came back into focus; her lips, curling into a smile, was what he saw. He realised as he looked at her, that if he was still the old Talius, he probably would never have seen that smile, coming here to this dinner would never of happened, and he may very well not have even spoken to her. And her smile was infectious, eventually breaking through the miasma around him, causing him to sigh, and throw her a soft smile in return.
“You have a very beautiful smile.” He said quietly, practically to himself. Regardless of how she was going to take what he said, looking upon her made him feel happy and calm. He wasn’t mindlessly and nervously flirting with her, but the words from inside his head just fell out of his mouth before he realised. He closed his eyes and held them tight, when he finally did. “I’m sorry…”
Adria gave a hum of laughter.
“I mean you’re not wrong about the smile,” she assured. “This
is a date after all - compliments are to be expected.”
He opened his eyes one at a time, gasping in some surprise that she was still there. He sniffed a chuckle out. “And how’s it going so far?”
“Other than your date dumping all of his issues on you, out of nowhere… And… I dunno… not being able to shut my… his goddamn mouth?” He titled his head in thought. “Might be the same route issue. Actually that would be like sixty percent of the date so far, wouldn’t it?! I shoulda stopped talking like… two or three sentences ago.”
Adria chuckled without a hint of derision or mockery.
“Anxiety is vulnerability,” she said. “And vulnerability is honesty, so I’d say it’s going well. I don’t mind listening. Can’t promise she won’t use it for nefarious ends to at least some degree, but I don’t mind lending an ear for its own sake.”
“How would you rate my chances of getting a second one? He queried. “Supposing those nefarious purposes don’t result in my death.” He loosened up a bit, grinning at her.
Adria wears a small, knowing grin.
“On the station, I can’t say,” she answers. “I don’t have as much of a presence here. So long as I’m not removed from the ship, however, then I’d say the chances are pretty high.”
The answer made him feel much happier than he knew he should be, his cheeks going a rosy coloured as he smiled at her. He cleared his throat and cupped either side of his face, trying to hide his cheeks from her. He made a strange mouth noise, before taking them back down again. “I give up tryna be cool.”
The Orion-gram’s smile grew into a confident one.
“Any of your past lives ever date a sexy hologram?” she asked in a sly tone.
“I… don’t thiiink so…” He paused, as his eyes widened in thought; the travel backwards through time almost visible in his eyes. “My second to last host; Regan. Did I mention he was the artistic type? Painting, sculpting, poetry.” He nodded. “And he had nineteen children.”
“You can probably guess what he was like. Muses and all.” He shook his head. “But I don't think he specifically dated a hologram. They weren’t as advanced a hundred years ago. Anyways, I don't think the projectors could handle your level of sexy.” He winked at her, before chuckling to himself.
Adria held up a hand, observing as she turned it over.
“It definitely wouldn’t be the same if I was all transparent,” she noted, before looking at Talius. “But look at you - you’ve already got one up on your past lives.”
She finger-gunned at his midsection.
“Suck it, worm-ghosts.”
“I would be able to see right through you, though.” He smirked, looking down at his stomach. “She told you, motherfucker!”
He looked back up at her and rested his elbows back on the table, leaning forward as he continued to smile at her; the rosiness still clear in his cheeks. “We’re not exactly dating… we are on a date. Doesn’t sound like a giant distinction… but I’m pretty sure there’s plenty of people who would argue those semantics.”
She rolled her eyes with a dramatic sigh.
“We’re on a date, therefore we are committing the act of dating,” she argues. “If that was an indirect inquiry about our ‘status,’ well, I’ll let you stew over that one for a while, though I’d advise you to pace yourself. If you can.”
He raised a finger to say something, but as the gears turned in his head, he actually processed what she just said, and a strained gasp creaked out of his gaping mouth.
“N-No… tha-that was totally not what I was doing. I… j… d… m…” Steam was almost coming out of his ears, as the various cogs snagged and locked together. “Besides, as previously stated… you are a hologram. I can’t actually touch you.”
“I guess you’d be secure in the knowledge that I like you for you, though. And it would have to be on the basis of personality as opposed to physicality.” He shook his head to snap himself out of the rabbit hole he was about to swan dive into. “I mean… words… and things.”
Adria can’t help but loose a snort of laughter, doubling over a bit. When she rose back up, she canted her head aside, her glossy black hair cascading in the process.
“I
definitely just meant relationship status,” she explained. “And I know you’re not trying to imply that my appearance doesn’t matter at all to you. You’ve mentioned it repeatedly, as though it were meant to be flattering.”
She leaned forward, tapping her temple.
“Remember, I’m the spider in this web,” she practically cooed, her voice taking on a smoky, sultry tone. “I know what it is that attracts you, some of it even by design. You can tell yourself this is purely a matter of personality and ideals, but you know deep down that’s not all of it.”
“In my defense… I meant to keep all of those things in my head, but apparently I think really loudly, and can’t keep the inner dialogue from becoming outer dialogue.” He shrugged. “I really am sorry if I offended you.”
“And I know you meant relationship status… what did you think
I meant?” He paused again, as the phrase ‘relationship status‘ felt weird to say. “Acquaintances? Colleagues? Friends?”
He sighed, mirroring the tilt in her head. “And of course it’s not all of it; I clearly find you attractive. Sue me! You know you’re attractive. But can’t I also like your personality and ideals?” He shrugged. “Tell me I’m lying.”
Adria narrowed her eyes, calculating something or other. Her fingers tapped lightly on the table, the hologram just about to speak before she flickered a bit.
“Ah, hell,” she grumbled. “I’m afraid we’re about to be interrupted.”
“Interrupted by who? Or what?” He asked, a flicker of worry fell onto his features. “Are you ok?”
“Can we do this again?” He lowered his eyes to the table. “Y’know, if you don’t mind my dumb ass, for company…”
The hologram waved off the concern.
“They’re just purging this platform a bit faster than I anticipated, is all,” she explained. “We’ll do it again, but work on the whole self-deprecation thing, alright? I wouldn’t be giving you attention if I didn’t want to.”
His cheeks went really red now. “Ok.” He said softly. “I’ll try.”
He lifted his eyes back up to meet her’s, a gentle smile working its way across his lips as looked at her. “You take care, Adria… be safe.” He curled his fingers into a wave, feeling like he wished he could walk her home, to make sure she was safe; knowing damn well that she could take care of herself.
Adria gave him a wink and then blew a kiss, the hologram vanishing in a puff of green smoke as she did so, leaving Talius by himself for the time being.
The waiter finally returned with the drink Talius had ordered quite some time ago now, and with a calm nod he took it, sitting back in his seat and staring up at the ceiling. “Well… that certainly happened…” He downed the drink in one go, his eyes tweeking for a moment at the high alcohol content of what was obviously Romulan Ale. “What have I gotten myself into?”