Post by Nola on Mar 28, 2018 22:06:52 GMT
Hello all!
Yesterday was the 1st anniversary of the first Zorya mission, which marked the official launch of STAB, and I wanted to share some thoughts on the occasion, even if they're a bit late. It's been a bit of a week.
Most (if not all) of you know that STAB was not exactly long in the planning. The unfortunate circumstances that necessitated its creation were difficult for those of us who'd been with the previous iteration from the beginning, and also the iteration before that. We lost a few of our longest-tenured players for understandable reasons (though most have come back!), and the work of trying to organize a new home for us fell to Andrew and me.
It's hard to summarize the last year for me. The person I am today sometimes seems wholly different from the person who worked to organize an emergency iteration of a game that had been running for multiple decades. For those of you who've known me for a while, you know that this was far outside my comfort zone. I could run a ship, sure, but making big organizational decisions was not at all in my wheelhouse.
For those of you who haven't known me as long, you may or may not have picked up on the fact that I have some significant mental health issues. My struggle with these issues is important to telling the story of this first year of STAB, so forgive me for going a bit in-depth about them.
I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and PTSD as a result of long-term child abuse. I do not like to be in charge of things. I frequently get paranoid about what people think of me. I'm constantly having to battle a vast number of behaviors that, in the past, have caused me to be a less-than-stellar friend. I got kicked out of 'normal' school because of these issues, and I was unable to succeed at college/university, as well. I have had some very dark days. I have tried to kill myself.
I want to be clear that I'm not telling you all this for attention, which is another thing I get paranoid about. I'm telling you all this because I want to express how unlikely it felt at the time that I would be able to make STAB successful, and how incredible it feels to me that we've made it this first year.
For most of the last two years, I was in an intensive therapy program designed for people with Personality Disorders called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I've been in therapy on and off since I was about ten years old (I turn 32 next month), almost all of it being Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It helped, to be sure, but the progress I've seen over the last two years has been extraordinary. For the first time, I've felt some hint of confidence in myself, some belief that I could actually be successful.
This coincided with the development of STAB rather neatly. Working on this game has been both challenge and affirmation. I've had to deal with things I normally try to avoid, and those things didn't turn into complete disasters. This has done wonders for my self-image, and the same is true for other areas of my life. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming the person I want to be, and I can't express how satisfying and encouraging this has been for me.
I say all of that to say all of this:
I cannot thank each and every one of you enough for helping to make STAB successful. When we had our falling out with the management of our previous game, we couldn't be sure if anyone would be joining us. There was the very real possibility that Aoibhe and myself would simply be without this game that has been a significant part of our adult lives. We sent out those emails explaining our decision, and the response we got was so very lovely. We could not have gotten STAB off the ground without your support. I wouldn't have had to take the risk of trying to lead without you, and so I would not have gotten these personal rewards as a result.
I also need to again thank Andrew for his invaluable help, both in running the Chiron and in helping to make the big decisions about how we would run the game. In addition, thank you so much to Aoibhe for her emotional support throughout the process of creating and running the game. It's so wonderful to have her and Einar back with us - it feels like we found two key missing pieces of the puzzle, and it gives me so much more confidence that we can continue to succeed.
Finally, I need to thank the crew of the Tempest. The Tempest was an independent ship that was in the process of joining the previous iteration when things fell apart, and it was a massive boost to have a full ship and crew ready and willing to join us here at STAB. The Tempest kept running missions while we were setting up, which helped me keep my rhythm, and it can and should be said that that Tempest was the first active ship in STAB, even if we're using the Zorya's launch as the 'official' anniversary date. Thank you Dan, Annie, Kristi, and the Hs for your invaluable help in keeping me afloat.
Thank you all so much for your support, for making this game feel like home, and for helping me learn that I am capable of more than I give myself credit for. There is so much more to come for all of us in this next year. We'll soon be starting our first joint arc between the Zorya and Chiron, and we'll also be getting more into the Civil War arc, and plenty of other surprises in the works, not to mention an entirely new option for play, which we'll be rolling out in the next couple of months.
Thank you again for getting us to this point. I can't wait to see what the next year will have in store for all of us here at Star Trek: Above & Beyond!
- CJ
P.S.: You are all invited and encouraged to share any thoughts you have on the First Anniversary of STAB below! It's a celebration!
Yesterday was the 1st anniversary of the first Zorya mission, which marked the official launch of STAB, and I wanted to share some thoughts on the occasion, even if they're a bit late. It's been a bit of a week.
Most (if not all) of you know that STAB was not exactly long in the planning. The unfortunate circumstances that necessitated its creation were difficult for those of us who'd been with the previous iteration from the beginning, and also the iteration before that. We lost a few of our longest-tenured players for understandable reasons (though most have come back!), and the work of trying to organize a new home for us fell to Andrew and me.
It's hard to summarize the last year for me. The person I am today sometimes seems wholly different from the person who worked to organize an emergency iteration of a game that had been running for multiple decades. For those of you who've known me for a while, you know that this was far outside my comfort zone. I could run a ship, sure, but making big organizational decisions was not at all in my wheelhouse.
For those of you who haven't known me as long, you may or may not have picked up on the fact that I have some significant mental health issues. My struggle with these issues is important to telling the story of this first year of STAB, so forgive me for going a bit in-depth about them.
I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and PTSD as a result of long-term child abuse. I do not like to be in charge of things. I frequently get paranoid about what people think of me. I'm constantly having to battle a vast number of behaviors that, in the past, have caused me to be a less-than-stellar friend. I got kicked out of 'normal' school because of these issues, and I was unable to succeed at college/university, as well. I have had some very dark days. I have tried to kill myself.
I want to be clear that I'm not telling you all this for attention, which is another thing I get paranoid about. I'm telling you all this because I want to express how unlikely it felt at the time that I would be able to make STAB successful, and how incredible it feels to me that we've made it this first year.
For most of the last two years, I was in an intensive therapy program designed for people with Personality Disorders called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I've been in therapy on and off since I was about ten years old (I turn 32 next month), almost all of it being Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It helped, to be sure, but the progress I've seen over the last two years has been extraordinary. For the first time, I've felt some hint of confidence in myself, some belief that I could actually be successful.
This coincided with the development of STAB rather neatly. Working on this game has been both challenge and affirmation. I've had to deal with things I normally try to avoid, and those things didn't turn into complete disasters. This has done wonders for my self-image, and the same is true for other areas of my life. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming the person I want to be, and I can't express how satisfying and encouraging this has been for me.
I say all of that to say all of this:
I cannot thank each and every one of you enough for helping to make STAB successful. When we had our falling out with the management of our previous game, we couldn't be sure if anyone would be joining us. There was the very real possibility that Aoibhe and myself would simply be without this game that has been a significant part of our adult lives. We sent out those emails explaining our decision, and the response we got was so very lovely. We could not have gotten STAB off the ground without your support. I wouldn't have had to take the risk of trying to lead without you, and so I would not have gotten these personal rewards as a result.
I also need to again thank Andrew for his invaluable help, both in running the Chiron and in helping to make the big decisions about how we would run the game. In addition, thank you so much to Aoibhe for her emotional support throughout the process of creating and running the game. It's so wonderful to have her and Einar back with us - it feels like we found two key missing pieces of the puzzle, and it gives me so much more confidence that we can continue to succeed.
Finally, I need to thank the crew of the Tempest. The Tempest was an independent ship that was in the process of joining the previous iteration when things fell apart, and it was a massive boost to have a full ship and crew ready and willing to join us here at STAB. The Tempest kept running missions while we were setting up, which helped me keep my rhythm, and it can and should be said that that Tempest was the first active ship in STAB, even if we're using the Zorya's launch as the 'official' anniversary date. Thank you Dan, Annie, Kristi, and the Hs for your invaluable help in keeping me afloat.
Thank you all so much for your support, for making this game feel like home, and for helping me learn that I am capable of more than I give myself credit for. There is so much more to come for all of us in this next year. We'll soon be starting our first joint arc between the Zorya and Chiron, and we'll also be getting more into the Civil War arc, and plenty of other surprises in the works, not to mention an entirely new option for play, which we'll be rolling out in the next couple of months.
Thank you again for getting us to this point. I can't wait to see what the next year will have in store for all of us here at Star Trek: Above & Beyond!
- CJ
P.S.: You are all invited and encouraged to share any thoughts you have on the First Anniversary of STAB below! It's a celebration!