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Post by connorw on Sept 17, 2018 10:13:56 GMT
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 1109.17
“Commander... Commander?"
Gutey kept staring at the wide doors occupying the entrance of main engineering, his gaze cold and blank. He was immersed in his thoughts like he usually was after a nerve-wracking day, but he was still on duty, and in a tight spot, no less.
He had seen many men and women die over his years of service. According to common perception, he should have gotten used to it. How many battles did he fight? Plenty, but he would never get used to losing a comrade. No amount of Vulcan training might have changed that.
“Mr. Gutey...? “ The voice glided on his ears more softly.
Geoffrey could not stop thinking about the heated argument he had with Stark. The young officer looked arrogant, careless. Risking lives with no regards to safety for the small chance of saving a few? He should have known that the needs of the many...
“Sir...” he felt a hand on his shoulder, and Gutey turned around trying to look natural to face the coy lady that interrupted his one-on-one mental dialogue with himself.
“Ensign Saleen.” he said, as if his staring had been the most natural thing in the universe.
“Are you alright, sir?” the fellow engineer asked, her voice becoming even softer, almost creaking out, afraid she might have angered him.
Gutey gave her a brief but nervous smile. “Yes Ensign, but thank you for asking,” he replied without wishing to display his emotions. He wasn’t sure whether it would have been appropriate to openly discuss his feelings for the present situation, especially with a subordinate - - he had to lead by example. And once the Captain gives an order, the discussion is over.
“Did you check the shuttle’s flight plan?” He tried to focus on the task.
“Yes Commander, everything looks OK.”
“OK might not be sufficient,” he argued. Saleen looked unsure, disappointed, but he trusted his superior would know better. She tried to reply with a possible apology, but Gutey cut her off with a swift hand motion, deciding to throw away his plans to hide his feelings about the Captain's decision.
“Let me tell you something, Ensign…“ he hesitated trying to find the right words, while the half-Bajoran officer looked at him tilting her head in curiosity, making her wrinkle on the nose sparkle from the lighting of Engineering, “I’m sure you will make a fine career and become a Chief yourself. I really believe so, “ he stressed, “but even when you climb the chain of command all the way to the top, and you want to take care of all of your subordinates like family... there will be times when the dice are rolled by someone else.” He sat on one of the rare chairs that were part of Engineering. Saleen’s expression turned anxious.
“And then, the only thing you can do is wait. A detestable feeling, isn’t it?”
She nodded, afraid to respond in any other way, and couldn’t help but reflect on his words and wonder about all the situations where she felt powerless. She thought that, at the very least, she wasn’t the only one.
“But enough of my whining,” Gutey said almost jumping off the chair, “the last thing I want now is some fine officer feeling demotivated.”
They both smiled, staring briefly at each other before returning to their stations, waiting for the last update from the shuttle.
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Post by Einar on Sept 17, 2018 11:28:26 GMT
“Let me tell you something, Ensign…“ he hesitated trying to find the right words, while the half-Bajoran officer looked at him tilting her head in curiosity, making her wrinkle on the nose sparkle from the lighting of Engineering, “I’m sure you will make a fine career and become a Chief yourself. I really believe so, “ he stressed, “but even when you climb the chain of command all the way to the top, and you want to take care of all of your subordinates like family... there will be times when the dice are rolled by someone else.” He sat on one of the rare chairs that were part of Engineering. Saleen’s expression turned anxious. “And then, the only thing you can do is wait. A detestable feeling, isn’t it?” amazing stuff, great log
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Post by aoibheni on Sept 17, 2018 16:38:08 GMT
I loved that part, too. Reminded me of Picard's "It is possible to commit no mistakes, and still lose" speech. Very nicely done.
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Post by connorw on Oct 8, 2018 12:59:05 GMT
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 11810.08
“I told you fifteen times, this is not how you do this!”
Gutey heard the muffled shouts coming outside his office in Main Engineering. He averted his eyes from the routine damage report PADD he was reading, wondering whether he should have taken action or not. He counted down the seconds, patiently.
“I know, I’m sorry,” replied a second voice, barely audible.
“Stop saying that for once and do this right!”, the other person shouted, louder than before.
“The hell…” Gutey murmured to himself before getting up from his black chair in a hurry.
The doors opened at their usual pace, although Geoffrey could swear that they got faster the more he became nervous, and showed the culprits of his distraction: Ensign Lovell and Crewman Perina. Those two never seemed to go along very well, and Gutey knew that. But that was precisely why he had been insisting on pairing the two regularly during the GLASS shifts.
Ensign Craig Lovell was the typical man immersed in his work that left no space for anything else. Peevish, insufferable for most people, but with a brilliant mind that made him an excellent resource for the team in the theoretical department. Complex calculations and simulations were his bread and butter.
Crewman Alex Perina, on the other hand, was a radically different man. Compared to the rest of the engineering team, Gutey didn’t know him very well and that fact only emphasized the problem he had with him: he would never get himself noticed. He had the odd outburst of problem-solving genius that seemed to shine in certain situations, but his reclusive personality overshadowed his positive actions. He never questioned or struggled to follow a single order, however, another quality that Gutey admired. But the Chief only started his new adventure aboard the Zorya recently, and he knew that, with enough time, he could give the crewman the spark he needed to become more. It was inevitable that the two different personalities would clash, but Geoffrey saw this as an important challenge. He thought that by the time they resolved their differences, it would signify that the engineering crew would have become almost as efficient as the Borg collective. With the added benefit of their individualities still intact…
“That’s enough,” Gutey shouted, defusing the situation.
The two men snapped to attention, with the lower ranked officer’s distress open for everyone to see, as his limbs were somewhat trembling.
“Ensign Lovell and Crewman Perina, this is the final time I ever want to see you arguing like this.”
“Sir, Perina is constantly slowing down my work…”
“I don’t care why you were arguing, mister,” Gutey cut him off immediately. He didn’t want any of that. Alex kept silent, along with everyone else in the room. He looked straight at the floor.
“You are Starfleet officers. Show some respect to the uniform you are wearing and get on with your job, or you will both spend this mission confined to your quarters. Is that clear?”
The Chief would have slammed his fists on a table, if he had one in front of him. But then his Vulcan teachings would have convinced him otherwise.
“Permission to speak freely, sir…” Lovell stubbornly tried to explain his moment of frustration. Gutey almost admired his tenacity. Almost.
“Denied,” he instantly replied, his voice still loud as his first words.
“This incident is over,” he added in an almost Vulcan way, except for the tone. He was on the way of dismissing them, but he had a feeling that if he left them like this, they would have started arguing again, indifferent of the consequences he threatened. He took a deep breath, then started his new pep talk, but without shouting.
“You might think that you are never going to get along. That you are too different to stay in the same crew, let alone being a GLASS pair,” he looked at both, hoping to find in them a sparkle of interest for his speech. Then he quickly glanced around the room. Everyone was watching.
“I am not asking you to have a romantic dinner. Or to be friends. But you need to understand that there is something that goes beyond relationships. Beyond our personal goals.” He pointed at his commbadge. “It’s duty. It’s Starfleet. And that,” he emphasized by moving his finger still pointing at the Starfleet logo, “is what goes above and beyond everything else.”
He paused, to get his point across. No one dared to make a sound. Only the clothing noise of his arm moving back down.
“This is why you were paired. Once you’ll understand my message, you will thank me.”
The two engineers in front of him looked briefly at each other. Lovell still looked frustrated, but Geoffrey trusted he would calm down soon. Alex looked back at Gutey, nodding calmly.
“And now, you are dismissed.” Lovell and Perina slowly walked back to their assigned position, while everyone else stood still.
“I believe the rest of you guys still have work to do…”
Footsteps and voices gradually returned to normality, as Gutey returned to his office.
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Post by connorw on Oct 27, 2018 12:55:56 GMT
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Post by connorw on Dec 17, 2018 12:41:58 GMT
[a quick note: I realise this log is quite short. Needless to say I've been quite busy these weeks and wasn't very inspired. I guess this is better than nothing]
[Takes place before the last sim session]
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 11812.08
This wasn’t Gutey’s first time he got injured, and it certainly wasn’t going to be his last; that was just part of the nature of space exploration. Being confined to quarters had always been a disconcerting experience for him, no matter the type or severity of injury. It was terrible, especially during crunch time, to know that his crewmates were giving everything to keep the ship up and running while their Chief Engineer, their leader, was sleeping in the comfort of his bed. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t his decision, and that people would understand that.
Confined to quarters, almost like a criminal…
Geoffrey had a habit of blowing situations out of proportions, even after his years on Vulcan where his tutors helped him minimize this trait in his youth. Still, he was at least aware of it. Being idle was what irritated him the most, and not just because of the lack of productivity, but because it made him think and wonder about the past. Painful memories would take precedence, curling inside his mind like a never-ending spiral, unless he had his hands busy with something.
The engineer glanced at the window. He would never get tired of the view of space, as few things in the universe could match the beauty of that sight. His mind wandered off to all the times he stared at it, on all his previous ships. Those times in particular with his ex-wife, holding hands…
No.
That never happened, Gutey said to himself, trying to dismiss that thought.
He began pacing around the room, his hands held firmly together behind his back in a vague attempt to focus. He let them go when the recovering hand gave him a sharp sensation, echoing his burns. He gnashed his teeth briefly and stopped.
“Computer, begin letter.”
The computer responded with the usual affirmative bleeps.
“Dear…”
Gutey left the initial sentence suspended in the air for many seconds.
“Computer, cancel that.”
He heard digital sounds of disappointment, then decided that it was best to call it a day and go to sleep.
Without changing his clothes, he laid on the bed, looking at the ceiling. He hoped that the Doctor would call to check on him, just so that he could get out of the room and keep his mind busy.
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Post by connorw on Dec 29, 2018 19:54:37 GMT
Joint Log with CJ as Lieutenant Inala Emeric
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 11812.29
“Lieutenant. In my office, now.”
Gutey entered main engineering in a rush, determined to find out what happened and why. It wasn’t in his character to be particularly harsh on anyone, and he hoped that Lieutenant Emeric was not to blame for the transporter incident. She did owe him an explanation however, as she was the one who executed the command. He looked at her for a second while walking to the office. He didn’t want to waste any time. Ensign Saleen glanced at Emeric with a worried look. She was glad not to be in her shoes right now, as even the human engineer could feel the tension in the area.
Inala took a quick breath and snapped up the PADD she'd been taking notes on. She gave Saleen what she hoped was an assuring nod before stepping into Gutey's office, standing at attention. Geoffrey finished writing down instructions on his desk computer before momentarily closing its display.
“Please sit down.“
This generally bode ill, but Inala did well to hide her terror as she sat across from Gutey, turning the PADD slowly in her hands.
"We, um," she stammered, "we're still going through the data, to be thorough, but we have some idea what happened."
“I’m listening,” Gutey replied, serious. He was trying not to show emotions of any kind before discovering what really happened, but the situation disturbed him to a fair degree.
Inala cleared her throat and managed to avoid looking at the PADD as a delaying tactic.
"We believe the number of forcefields in place at the time of transport had an unintended lensing effect on the targeting scanner," she said, her tone clinical. "The patterns entered the buffer as separate, but the lensing caused the post-buffer rematerialization subroutine to incorrectly identify a pattern fault to the Heisenberg compensators, which the HC then 'corrected' by merging the patterns. We're still looking for the exact reason for the merger, but that will take time as we have to go into the actual code contained in the transporter log. We're, uh, not sure yet whether the error can be reversed, but I'm personally optimistic."
“I’m optimistic as well,” Gutey responded starting with the positives. “I remember a similar case that happened on the USS Voyager. If I’m not mistaken their CMO found a third DNA pattern that merged with the two, causing the incident. But that is something our medical department will have to figure out.” He put this aspect aside to focus on the matter at hand. His body language couldn’t hide how he was aching to understand how and why the entire situation happened.
“What I want to know is how this happened. The ship’s components are supposed to be tested under all kinds of conditions and scenarios, so I find it very hard to believe that a few forcefields can cause the transporters to fail. I’m afraid your explanation is not good enough.”
There it was. The classic 'do better' bit, thrown about so easily by someone who hadn't been in the trenches with them trying to figure it all out. It was only unusual in that it was coming from the Chief instead of the Captain.
"That's all the verifiable information we have," she offered, only the faintest tremor in her voice. "As I said, we're still poring over the data. Once we know more, I'll have more to report."
Was this it? Was this the power struggle that she seemed to subconsciously intent upon? She was defending the department to the department head, acting like she was the one in charge, even though she had been, for all intents. Not that that was his fault, of course, and maybe she was just being paranoid, or maybe it was guilt at having given the order that was making her so defensive, and he with his Vulcan-ness would pick that apart in an instant if it really came down to it, and how did-
This wasn't helping at all, and Inala forced herself to close her eyes, take a deep breath, and do her best to let all of that go.
"I shouldn't've given the order to energize," she admitted, averting her gaze. "J- um, the person establishing the lock wasn't confident in it, and I knew it, but I figured worst-case scenario was the transporter would just put them back where they were. I've- I've never seen a post-buffer fault before, not outside of case studies in early transporters at the Academy. So... if you're looking for operator error, that's on me."
“Lieutenant…Inala,” he stopped her on that note. He wouldn’t have a demoralized officer. Not in his team. He motioned to hold her hand on the table to reassure her, but immediately decided against that a split second later. He felt it wouldn’t be appropriate for many reasons.
“You acted on what you felt was the best course of action, given how there were two lives at stake and a short window of time. Now, we could sit here all day and talk about how you failed to realise that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Geoffrey noted her scepticism. “By shutting down the forcefields, you also removed the protection of quarantine, breaching the containment field. You potentially exposed the entire crew to the bio-threat. However,” he added raising his hand, not allowing her to interrupt him, “I was the one who gave you the go-ahead. So if there is one responsible, that’s me.”
Inala blinked away a slight mistiness, mostly due to being overwhelmed. She deeply appreciated Commander Gutey's failure to justify her worries, and she couldn't help feeling slightly foolish for her earlier panic. Perhaps she'd simply been feeling protective of her friend - Jeannine had been devastated by the incident, and Inala had instantly gone into a protective mindset. That was all self-analysis for another time, however.
"I think it's safe to say that this wouldn't have happened without failures across multiple departments," she observed. "What's done is done, and now we need to focus on fixing it. Which we will."
“Agreed,” Geoffrey replied, nodding. “I want you to investigate what went wrong. We need to be absolutely sure that this kind of incident was inevitable and will not happen again. In the meantime I will do some research on historic cases like this one – see if they can give us some relevant information, or some tests we can try.” He noticed the half-Orion woman was now much calmer than just a few moments before. He sensed that she was trying to protect someone, but it was a still possible that the incident was, in fact, unavoidable, and he wouldn’t start blaming people without concrete proof.
And he secretly appreciated how she was trying to take the blame, a sign of an honourable leader. Shame that her anxiety was hindering her abilities in that regard, he thought.
“I will work with Rousseau together on this. She is the Doctor, after all... “
He stashed Inala’s PADD on his desk.
“Any questions?”
"No questions, sir," she answered, caught in some quasi-state between relief and dread. "We'll keep digging." “Then let’s get to work,” Gutey concluded as he stood and showed her the exit with his right arm. He followed her to the door as both of them resumed their search for the truth.
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Babs
Lore Committee
Posts: 210
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Post by Babs on Dec 30, 2018 21:32:13 GMT
Good log guys I'll also gladly take the blame for everything, given that the CMO was in command for a good chunk of this, and a new commander on top of everything else. Add to that the normal chaos of our crew, and shit's bound to happen. I will say that as a player, this arc has been fun, like watching a slow moving train wreck combined with an earthquake - so kudos to A for some excellent GD'ing. It certainly hasn't been boring. I'm looking forward to seeing how we untangle this problem..
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Post by Nola on Dec 31, 2018 0:53:31 GMT
Technically, everything that happens is A's fault, so we're all off the hook
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Post by Einar on Jan 1, 2019 16:13:50 GMT
great log!
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Post by connorw on Jan 21, 2019 17:34:51 GMT
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 11901.09 (with Aoibhe as the Computer)
“Why am I not surprised, computer?”
Lieutenant Commander Gutey had a love/hate relationship with Starfleet computers. On one hand they made life much easier in terms of automation, security and knowledge, but their contradictions often baffled the engineer. “Please rephrase the question,” the Zorya’s internal voice predictably replied.
Gutey ignored that and tapped his commbadge, resuming communications with Lieutenant Inala.
“Lieutenant, bring the ice-cream to sickbay. You heard me right… let’s make sure it doesn’t contain any foreign bio-agents. I will keep investigating from here. Gutey out.”
Geoffrey loved holodecks. Almost everyone looked at them as nothing more but recreational tools, but he thought people greatly underestimated their usage as problem-solving tools. They had their limitations, but the ability to playback a real-life scenario using sensor data made for invaluable investigation tools.
The engineering team that he sent, and Geoffrey himself, already made significant progress in the transporter incident probe. There were still a couple more pieces of the puzzle to add, though .
“OK, let’s go through this…one by one…” Gutey said to himself, getting ready to ask the relevant questions to the ship’s brain. “First things first, computer: if you detected glucose molecules, why didn’t you stop the transporter sequence or warn the operator?”
"The presence of glucose molecules on, or in, the transporter housing unit is not listed among this computer's malfunction parameters."
Gutey almost asked the computer to repeat the answer. Any sane person of any era would think that sugar and complex technology would not go along well, so how could a starship not believe that?
He would argue that to the computer, but it wasn’t the time to engage in a logical deduction duel.
He just sighed and continued.
“Add that to the list. Who was the last person to work maintenance in Transporter Room 1 before the incident?”
Geoffrey knew since assigning duties was one of his responsibilities, but he had to be sure.
"Crewman Zol Frell," the computer replied after a brief pause, but somehow it felt longer.
Frell had been a thorn in Engineering's side for some time and Gutey knew his name well. The Bolian had a list of minor infractions, none of which was a big deal on their own, but together drew a picture of a less than methodical man who was unconcerned with the minutiae of his responsibilities. Gutey sighed and realised he would need to have an interesting talk with him very soon.
Now that he knew who, where and what it was, he only had one thing left to figure out: the how.
“OK computer, one last thing... access the security logs. Show me the moment before glucose molecules were present inside the maintenance tubes and start the simulation.”
The scene shifted, revealing Crewman Frell finishing off an icecream cone next to the transporter unit. In his other hand was a PADD showing a recent FNN broadcast. The sound was up high, echoing around the chamber liberally. As he devoured his dessert, a little melted and dripped onto his blue hand, coating it in a generous blob of viscous, dairy-based goop. He rubbed it off absentmindedly on his uniform then got back to work.
The environment then reset to the non-holographic nature of the room with its yellow lines and blue squares, while the computer voice announced the end of the recording.
Gutey kept silent, still in disbelief that a member of his staff would commit such an amateurish error. And he now had new, uncomfortable decisions to make. He cared about every single member of his team and would hate to make any drastic changes, but he certainly couldn’t look the other way.
Slowly, he touched his commbadge. “Gutey to the senior engineering staff. Meeting in my office in 15 minutes.”
Before talking to Crewman Frell, he would first report his findings to the people just below him in the chain of command, as there was no need to make the situation public at the moment and risking unintentionally embarrassing the clumsy Bolian.
“Computer, save this session to file Gutey Beta 4,” the Lieutenant Commander said before hurrying to Main Engineering.
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Post by Einar on Jan 21, 2019 19:16:06 GMT
he is so dead
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Post by connorw on Feb 25, 2019 19:56:35 GMT
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Post by connorw on Mar 16, 2019 17:53:05 GMT
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 11903.12
Being part of the senior staff is a major responsibility, and Gutey knew that very well. It wasn’t the first ship he served on as part of its chain of command, in fact he was all but waiting for his long overdue promotion to Commander. He cared about every single member of his team, because he always thought that a ship’s components can only function as efficiently as their crew. Computers will never be able to match a living being’s wit or lateral thinking. For that you need motivated people willing to do whatever it takes to keep the ship afloat. And when the responsibility is so significant, it becomes hard for anyone not to start feeling the pressure. Some people thrive under it, while for others it becomes a walking threat that slowly pushes them into a precipice. Geoffrey felt like the first type, and tried very hard to engrain this trait to other talented people.
Some people were simply born with that mentality as a natural attribute of their species, for example Romulans or Vulcans. For others it would become an extreme challenge; Bolians were the first Gutey thought of. There were plenty of exceptions in both cases, of course.
The engineer couldn’t start thinking of an example for that instance, as the navigational console of his shuttle started beeping. Gutey pressed a button and soon after a voice started playing, resonating metallically: “Betazed to Shuttle Odysseus: you’re cleared to land. Coordinates have been sent to your vessel.”
In a few seconds the data appeared on a small screen in front of Geoffrey and following a brief combination of commands the Odysseus’ computer gently adjusted its pitch to follow ground control’s instructions.
A few minutes later the Martian was already walking towards his destination, resort Deanna’s. As expected, his journey had been uneventful and mundane: without a doubt a break from recent experiences.
He had never been to Betazed, although he never had the scorching desire to visit the planet, like many others the galaxy had to offer. In theory, Gutey would not have left the ship if he hadn’t been essentially forced by the commanding officer.
Geoffrey reached the entrance of the resort. Arcs adorned with extravagant flowers were prominently featured before the main building, their paint shining thanks to the open sky. Inside, a fairly luxurious reception stood out illuminated from both the outside light and a tacky set of unnecessary floor lamps.
“Good afternoon, Commander,” the woman at the reception started, anxious to show him around. “Everything alright? We were expecting you sooner...“
“There was a small issue with the transporters, so I had to take a shuttle. Nothing serious,“ Gutey replied, anticipating the return question.
“Not a problem,” the receptionist politely replied. She reached for an electronic key on a wooden shelf behind her and handed it to the Zorya engineer. “This is the key for your room, it’s the number 47. Where is your luggage?”
Damn. It was at that moment that he realised he could never switch his brain to “vacation mode”. He looked around, embarrassed. “I must have left it inside the shuttle...”
“That’s OK, we can have someone collect it and deliver it to your room.”
At least the staff seem nice, he thought.
“No, thank you, it’s fine. I’ll get it later. Right now I really need some sleep.”
“As you wish,“ the woman conceded, nodding. “My name is Becky. If you need anything at all, feel free to contact me with the intercom in your room,” she concluded with a smile.
“Will do. Thanks,” he said, faintly returning the smile.
Shortly after Gutey entered his room. It was quite spacious and everything looked tidy, perhaps too much so for the standards. The owners probably wanted to make a good impression with a visiting Starfleet officer. He gave a quick look to the furniture and the bathroom, and without even changing from his uniform, he plunged to the bed. He was exhausted, and even though he never enjoyed sleeping, he had to surrender to his own body on this occasion.
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Post by connorw on Jun 10, 2019 19:23:17 GMT
COMMENCING LOG, STARDATE 11905.15 (With CJ as Lieutenant Inala Emeric)
“Lieutenant Inala, please report to my office for your monthly assessment.”
Gutey’s voice echoed through the intercom, as the Lieutenant Commander awaited patiently in the dimly lit room.
An instant sense of dread filled her, mid-inventory, and just after she'd finally shaken her discomfort from Ensign Vulcan-face - which hadn't been fair to Jovs, of course, but since when was anything about Inala's neurosis been fair? Which, naturally, just made her feel worse.
"You should probably go do that, if you can," murmured Jeannine. Inala just sighed, handed off her PADD, and proceeded to the Chief's office. She stepped inside without a word, faced him, and clasped her hands behind her back, waiting.
When she entered, Gutey felt the tension in the room, just like it had been for days and days. He wanted to defuse the situation. It wasn’t healthy for either. He had some formalities to do first.
“Lieutenant, please take a seat.”
Inala hesitated only a moment before sitting, hands folded neatly in her lap. She tried not to "catastrophize", with middling success.
Gutey tried to ignore her body language at first, focusing on the small computer monitor in front of him displaying a summary of his report.
“We’re all busy, so I’ll make this quick, don’t worry. Technically, your performance this month has been…well beyond average. In fact, it has been excellent.”
The CEO pressed the rectangular button on the monitor to close it, and pushed it aside, gently.
“Before I go on with my closing remarks, however, I wanted to ask you if there is anything you wanted to add or if you have any concerns you wish to note.”
He looked at her, awaiting her response like a player waiting for his teammate to play the right card.
Inala furrowed her brow in slight confusion. She believed, of course, that she'd been doing good work, but she'd spent so much time preparing herself for harsh judgment that it was a genuine surprise to hear him agree. 'Technically,' anyway. She knew better than to assume what he would say in his closing remarks, even as she did just that. It took her several moments to arrange her thoughts.
"I think that my 'technical' performance should be what matters most," she said, each word careful and measured. "I understand that you have concerns about my mental state, but, um, again, I want to ask that you let me handle that in my own way. I'm seeing the ship's counselor when I can. I'm working through the things I need to work through. To be honest, sir, my biggest hang-up right now is worrying about your judgment of it. I... I hate walking into ME to start the day because I'm afraid what you'll say to me. I'm scared that nothing I do will ever be good enough because all you'll see in me are my anxieties, and if anything will affect my performance, it's that."
And that was the statement he was waiting for, the winning move in his playbook. Or so he thought.
Gutey smiled, more than he had ever shown ever since he started serving aboard this ship, and began to explain before his reaction could have been misinterpreted.
“Very well, Lieutenant. I was hoping you would listen to me and work with a counsellor, and you are doing just that. And,“ he emphasized, standing up, “you are admitting in front of me that I am one of the reasons of your unhappiness, going so far as saying exactly why. It takes a great deal of courage to do such a thing. I would call that progress.”
His smile faded away as he was about to move to the part of his speech she might not have found as agreeable.
“Now, there is something you still need to understand, and I apologise for my bluntness, but I prefer to be direct with people. As much as you like it or not, your mental health is my damn business. Yours, just like everyone else’s on this department. I don’t need to be told the specifics, I don’t need to become your friend. But you can be damn certain that our mental health does affect our jobs, and if I sense a concern I need to be well aware of it. It’s my responsibility, Emeric.”
Before Geoffrey wrapped up, he took a short break, waiting for a reaction on her part.
Inala's expression darkened for a moment as she lowered her head. She would never understand people who couldn't just let things be, she believed.
"If it's such a big concern to you," she began before she could stop herself, "why do you go out of your way to make mine worse? D-do you honestly believe that the cure for my anxiety is to make me more anxious? Can you even point out where it's affected my performance?"
Gutey stood still for a few seconds, shocked by her latest attempt to sabotage his help. His mind was pervaded by countless thoughts at that moment on all the ways he wanted to let her know that he was not her enemy, that he was always trying to help, but no matter what he said, she would take it as an attack, a disruption of her personality, or something else he didn’t understand.
He slowly returned to his chair, and placed his hands on his face, sighing heavily, but quietly.
“Lieutenant…” he started, waiting once more to find the appropriate words.
“Do you honestly believe that I want to intentionally make you anxious? That I want to make things worse for you?”
He pressed his hands on the table.
“Let. People. Help. You. You’re not the first person under my responsibility with anxiety. I just want you to trust me. No one wants to hurt you. We all want to help you, but you need to understand that, damn it. Until you do, you’re never going to grow. As a Starfleet officer, and as a human being.”
She stared at him for a long moment.
"And how, exactly, do you think you can help me, Commander?" she asked.
“Not just me,” he replied, his tone now calmer. “Us. We can help you defeat your inner enemies. But if you always stay in your safe zone, we’re never going to do that. All I ask in return is that you don’t see everything I do as a challenge against you, and that you keep visiting your counsellor.”
He focused his eyes on her, hopeful for a tiny, positive response this time.
"You think I've been staying in my safe zone?" she asks, brows raised with incredulity.
"Do you even remember that the first informal conversation we had consisted of you telling me I needed to do a better job of managing my anxiety? When you clearly had no idea how much work I already put towards managing it? And when I tried to tell you that, you got angry at me?
"You don't listen to me. You don't acknowledge the work I'm already doing because you don't actually care. Why would I ever want to open up to you?"
Gutey gave her a faint smile to counter her stubbornness.
“You see? You don’t listen. I never said you need to open up to me. The opposite, in fact. This is something that goes way beyond any mental condition you might have.” He walked around his desk, approaching Inala before stepping back away from her moments later. He didn’t feel it would have been a good idea to push her to extremes.
“I have other meetings, and not much time. We’ll continue this discussion some other time. Dismissed.”
He wanted to say much more, and she was testing his patience, but he wanted to analyse the situation carefully, in a more relaxed atmosphere. It was still not the right moment.
"No," said Inala, shaking her head as she got to her feet. "No, you literally just said for me to let you help me, to let 'us' help me 'fight my demons.' You don't... you don't get to make me feel like I'm overreacting, especially when everything was going fine before you ever said anything. You just said my performance-"
She stepped away, hands on her hips, clearly agitated. After a long moment, she just nods.
"Fine. Fine, I get it."
“Dismissed, Lieutenant!” Gutey reiterated firmly while wondering if her last comment was serious or sarcastic.
Inala didn't waste another second, briskly walking back out into ME.
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